you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
