this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
