Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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