Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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