let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
