guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
