Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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