Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
