who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
