i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
