I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
