I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
then he tried to convert me to islam
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
