So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
