I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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