According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
