she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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