I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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