barbara walters just said penis...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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