do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
