she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
