Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
