All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
