It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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