I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
