Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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