I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
