My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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