There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The beer is more important than you right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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