Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
