My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
