at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
