I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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