awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
