you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
