also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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