2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
