I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
