I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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