TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
