Can Purell be used as lube?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
