i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
