So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
