New invention idea: vibrating tampons
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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