would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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