Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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