Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
