I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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