..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's never too late to be topless.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
