I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
