I think i sorta joined a cult last night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
